After wrapping up the gut wrenching one year anniversary and aftershocks of desperate ache and realization of loss I began asking God intently to not let my story be in vain. I asked Him to use it, to take it far beyond my little circle. Actually, I've been asking this of God from day 1, more than 365 days ago. I had a conversation with the guy I'm dating where I basically said that if God's plan wasn't to take my story far and wide in order to help other widows and people suffering, I don't know how I'd handle that.

Over the course of the past two weeks those conversations and questions have led me to really dig deep into my heart and ask myself why that matters so much. Why does my story post loss have to look like THAT? And WHAT IF that isn't God's plan? After all, Jesus never calls us to chase after fame or power. It's absolutely the opposite. He calls us to lay our lives down, and the pursuit of all those earthly things, and simply follow Him. I can say with pure honesty that my heart's desire is simply to reach out to those who are hurting. To be someone you can relate to, to be your shoulder to cry on, to listen with empathy when you face your own goliath obstacles and unimaginable heartache. And if that never leads me beyond my own city limits, it doesn't matter. There are beautiful women right here, my own neighbors, that I've met and loved on (and been loved on in return) and they are WORTH IT.

There is still great honor in the seemingly small life. But really, your life is never small, and what God is doing in and through you can't be fully measured this side of heaven. Maybe you have a heart for the nations and your deepest desire has been to go overseas and reach the lost. Yet you still find yourself here for any number of reasons. Maybe its a desire to be married, to have a child, for your business to take off. It could even be weight loss that is just taking too long. Or a steady, decent paying job that doesn't leave you wondering how to pay the bills every month. Maybe your marriage is in shambles and you feel broken and hopeless.

Maybe your struggle isn't some earth shattering loss like what I've faced. But you are facing trials nonetheless that have left you weary, questioning, hurting, and crying out to God for help. Here's what I know. God is loving. He is kind. He is good. He has not left you, nor has He forgotten you. I implore you to remember who He is.

We worship God on the mountaintop for WHAT He has done.  

We worship God in the valley for WHO He is.

Whatever valley you are in, take courage, keep your soul steadfast. Stand and worship. He is faithful in the waiting. He is faithful in the hurting. He is faithful in your loneliness. Choose right now. Choose to cry out in worship. Choose to continue crying out in worship even when you don't have the answers.

"For this light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." - 2 Corinthians 4:17