As soon as I graduated high school I moved to east Texas and began a year long internship focused on growing in my relationship with Christ. It turned into a 3 year internship for me. After that time I married Rob right away, and then we immediately (accidentally) got pregnant with Josiah. At 22 years old we found ourselves in a dingy apartment in Lewisville, Texas. Broke, newlywed, and brand new parents. To say it was difficult and isolating is a massive understatement. I remember watching all my single friends, or newlywed friends without kids and envying their carefree lives. We had dreams of traveling, of enjoying our time finally being together after our long distance relationship, of finishing college, and one day settling down. We instead had to settle down with accepting that what God had for us was better (and believe me, it absolutely was!)

So let me reiterate that last line before I continue. We accepted what God had for us and it was FAR BETTER than our hopes and plans.

That said, I never got to travel. Either as a single person nor with just my husband. We had one vacation together, and it was that 3 day quick trip to Colorado in August 2016. So when I woke up one morning in June and decided on a total whim to take a solo vacation to somewhere I'd never been and didn't know anyone, I couldn't contain my excitement that I was finally able to make dreams a reality.

And now that I'm back from 2 full weeks solo in 2 different stunning locations, you'd think I'd come here to share about all of my adventures. (That's what instagram is for, silly) Rather, these trips changed my heart profoundly in ways I wasn't expecting. I didn't know how badly I needed to get away from my mess here in Oklahoma. I've cried nearly every day for the better part of 10 months, and for those two weeks on vacation there were tears only one time. I finally felt light and happy again.

I'll share only 2 stories, since two seems to be my theme here. There was a night in San Diego where I'd called a Lyft and picked a random beach and had the driver just drop me off. I walked around until I found a restaurant, grabbed some dinner and went and sat in the sand and watched the sunset. I noticed how the surfers pushed through crashing waves and they never faltered. I took in how just when you didn't think the sky could get any more beautiful, it somehow did. I kept my sunglasses on to conceal the tears that I couldn't control. I wasn't supposed to be alone there. My joyful sunset turned bitter. Across the street was a bar, and it was definitely feeling like a good time to get a drink and mellow out.

If you follow my instagram then you know the story of the bartender here, so I apologize for repeating it. But I've never had a stranger show such kindness, and I will literally never forget it. He asked me why I was alone, and I said I'm not going to share my sad story. He laughed and said You're in a bar, lay it on me. So I said well my husband died last year and I'm just trying to live my best life. That bartender grabbed two shot glasses and poured them both. Slid one to me, and placed the other at the seat beside me. He said that one is next to you for your husband, so that you know you aren't alone. Then he refilled my beer and didn't charge me anything for the rest of the night. I couldn't believe that this man, who ended up confessing to be an atheist, showed me more love than I've experienced from those once in my closest circle. If I had been afraid to be alone that night, if I'd sought company, I wouldn't have had that profoundly impactful moment. 

My second life changing moment happened at 14,265 ft on top of Quandary Peak in Colorado. 

It was kind of an insane idea to go from sea level right to Colorado, and then decide on a whim to go climb a 14'er the next day. Without help & without someone experienced. My friend Teena who lives here in Oklahoma, whom I was joining on this trip, happily came along. When we got to the top she said to me, "See Steph you didn't need a man for this. YOU did it." And that caused a shift in me! For the FIRST time I felt happy with where I was. Happy as a single woman. Proud to be doing this on my own. Not feeling like I needed to share this big moment with someone. There was a tangible shift on that mountain, and I knew I was a renewed and different person. A week prior I didn't think it was possible for God to transform me in that way, although I desperately wanted to be content.

Colorado was a last second decision, but I was very much meant to be there. This whole thing was more than just a vacation, and I will be forever grateful that God placed these opportunities so beautifully in my lap.