All in Rise Up Project
The other side was pulling me in a direction that yearned to let go; it told me I couldn’t move forward with joy unless I let go of the need to live in grief. And so then I made the decision. I planted my feet at the bottom of that dark ocean floor, and I pushed with all of my might until I came up to the surface and breathed in deep into a new beginning.
I've got Taylor Swift playing in my head as I type this...is it too soon to do this yet? Part of me doesn’t want to be vulnerable like this, with something just 4 months in. Part of me is afraid to admit that I feel far more joy than I do sadness these days, because of the judgement I might face. I also know that I don’t know what tomorrow holds…
Life was ripped from my grasp in an instant and death has pervaded my thoughts for 365 days. One year ago I couldn't imagine surviving. I couldn't imagine what life would look like, my life without Rob, a future without him in it. I feared that I was going to lose everything we'd worked to build. But yet I watched miracle after miracle in the weeks that followed. I experienced the presence of God in a way I never have before, and unless you've experienced tragedy, it's difficult to explain.
I do wonder when I'm going to genuinely say "I'm doing good" when people ask how I'm doing. Number one, I hate that question because there are million different things firing in my brain when it's asked. But my only answer is "I'm doing okay." Which feels so fake, so safe. But its the true and honest only thing I know to answer. I'm not doing terrible, I'm not doing great, so okay is actually...okay.
Mary Beth's story is on this blog today because she has been touched by extreme evangelicalism, religion, domestic violence, mental illness, motherhood, divorce, and surviving the suicide of a very important person in her life. If her story doesn't grab your heart then you might want to check your pulse.
If I could say anything to women facing their own goliath obstacles right now it would be "Yes. You. Can." Seriously, these words echo in my head over and over all the time when I am getting frustrated. A Bootcamp instructor in 2010 used to yell those words as she followed behind us during tough workouts, and it became my mantra over the years. I feel the conflict between the things I WANT to do, with the things I HAVE to do, and sometimes it's overwhelming and I just want to quit. So I remind myself, yes I can.
I've always tried to find purpose in the pain. Every news story, in my book, when I speak. It's just like, we had this really crap thing happen to us and we're gonna use and give it wings. You can't choose what life hands you, but you can choose how you respond to it. We've chosen to respond to what life gave us with giving hope to others, showing them that they can be overcomers too.
A year and a half ago, I woke up with a headache and loud buzzing in my right ear. I got up to use the restroom and I fell down. My legs weren’t cooperating with me. My right arm wouldn’t work so I could pull myself up the bed.
Today I need to reflect on another story of a woman who has risen from hardship. And especially with the volatile environment filled with hatred, debate, racism, and a severe lack of compassion and understanding we are seeing right now, it's a good time to be reminded of hope.
On August 20th, 2017, at 5:37 pm, my world stood still.
Six days later I stood by my husband's casket as it was lowered into the ground.
Now a mom of 4, Katie hopes to be a voice of encouragement to her children, and to never deter them from following their heart and pursuing what brings them joy in life. She is helping shape for her children what success and strength look like.
Mari was mothering 3 small children, two were 6 and the other 7, when her husband passed away and she suddenly found herself a widow.
I'd like you to meet Ruth, who calls herself the Chemo Athlete. I met Ruth almost by accident when I joined a group swim practice she was a part of. I was actually at the wrong group and didn't realize it until halfway through the workout, but thus began some amazing relationships. Ruth's determination and refusal to give up inspired me to hear more of her story, and I'm so honored that she was willing to share it here.