This was a question posed to me recently. I had made a comment about wanting to honor Rob and honor the past, but still live fully in the present. If the roles were reversed and I'd been the one who died, how would I hope Rob was living that duality?

I would hope that he never stopped talking about me. I would hope that he tell Josiah all the best stories about me. I wouldn't want to be forgotten. I also hope that he would continue running and chasing his Boston qualifying dreams. I hope he'd take those trips we talked about. And I'd hope to God for a woman who could love him patiently and tenderly and honor me while still being a part of his life. And also, I think Rob would want this, and I know I would want this. More than anything I'd want to know that my legacy left people hungry for Jesus.

I read a blog post from another young widow who wrote about breaking promises to her late husband after he died. She promised him she could handle the finances and wouldn't waste money hiring someone to help her, but after the gut punch, life altering sting of death, she knew she couldn't keep that promise. So she didn't. With the suddenness of Rob's death, we didn't have a chance for many conversations about what we'd do if the other person died. I do remember him telling me he'd never marry again because he'd never love anyone as much as he loved me. (I hope and I believe he'd break that promise eventually, and I'd want him to) And he told me he would hope that I DID remarry again, that he would want me to be happy. I promised him I would. And I hope one day I do. But I understand his sentiment now. It's hard to imagine loving as freely and as deeply as I did before. 

Whether I'd had the chance to have this conversation with Rob about being remembered after death or not, my response in how I live and honor him now wouldn't change.

I know that if it were me, I'd want my legacy to lead people to Jesus. Let me be remembered for loving Him deeply. How do you want to be remembered?